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The doctor visits have been increasing as we get closer to Baby Launch 2K7. M has been to two non-stress tests, and both times a certain little somebody has been uncooperative. I guess the tests check to make sure there is sufficient movement, but she isn't moving much during the test (other than a bout of hiccups this past Saturday, which the doctor says is a good thing). So both times, they had to send M to the sonogram room to make sure everything is checking out OK, and everything appeared to be fine both times. The first time wasn't a problem, because it was a Saturday and we had nothing better to do, and also because M was going in for a sonogram on Monday anyway, so we just got it out of the way then. But the second time (Wednesday) made M late for work.
Incidentally, Saturday's sonogram eliminated any lingering doubts about the sex of the baby. We got a very good, well defined look at what's going on between the legs!
Here are some pictures (between the legs shot not included). Your guess is as good as mine re: what exactly we're looking at here.
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We've been to a couple more baby classes. This past Sunday we went to Preparing For Birth, or something like that. There we learned all about dilation, breathing, bloody show, contractions, afterbirth, and all sorts of things that pretty much freaked everyone out, especially the moms. There was an audible gasp when the placenta followed the baby in the video we saw.
The Baby Basics class we went to Tuesday night was fairly useless, though we were about 15 minutes late, so maybe there was some useful stuff at the beginning that we missed. It was just a bunch of slides where we could see all the weird stuff that babies have on them and all the weird shapes their heads can have at the beginning, each one followed with "don't worry, it's normal and won't stay that way." We also practiced putting a diaper on a baby doll and swaddling it. I think I did OK on the one run-through we did.
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On the gestational diabetes front: The insulin has been increased, but M continues to shoot up three times a day. The increased insulin doesn't really bother her, so long as it doesn't mean having to inject herself more often than she already has to.
The doctors assure us that she is doing a very good job of keeping the GD under control. My sweetie is indeed awesome!
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I had my birthday dinner at my brother's house the weekend before last (a few days early). M was reluctant to go, due to the temptation of cake and the pizza we would inevitably be ordering. So my brother instead got hot dogs and hamburger meat and voluntarily grilled outside in the cold so M could have a GD-friendly dinner with my family. It seems I'm surrounded by awesome people lately.
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I recently read something that I believe summarizes fatherhood quite nicely, based on my thus far limited experience. It was a guest essay on Theater Hooper, a movie-themed webcomic website (typically, the guests also draw a comic, being as it is, after all, a webcomic site, but not in this case). I've decided to copy and paste the whole thing here. Apologies to Tom Brazelton of Theater Hopper and Jerry Holkins of Penny Arcade if I'm violating any copyrights.
If you'd like to read the essay in its natural habitat, you can find it at http://www.theaterhopper.com/?date=20070214
Tom,
I understand that you've got a baby en route. The expected response to this revelation is usually "leaping joy," but I'm already a father, and I'm exhausted. So if I just move my fingers around a little here on the keyboard, I hope that will suffice.
I have a story that will help introduce some of the powerful new concepts you're about to be submerged in. I guess that technically makes this a parable, but anyway: I was taking the escalator down to the parcade at the Mall.
On the escalator opposite me, going up, an impatient father was tromping up the device and chastizing his young son for being slow. He was not actually watching the son, so that when he exited the top of the moving staircase and his boy began to scream, he was not initially sure why. I was actually paralyzed by it: his son had tripped trying to catch up to his dad, but since he was on the escalator he couldn't just fall down and pick himself up. He was being rolled by the mechanism, falling forever.
The first thing we can derive from this powerful scene is that you need to, you know, actually watch your kid. The challenge you will face later will be to watch them closely while still letting them experience the world. I have a feeling this is going to be my life's greatest challenge.
But also: Falling in place. That is how I would describe the process you are about to undertake. For the first few months, anyway. It's worse than you know. There are almost no handholds of any kind, and worse yet, everybody thinks they have the answer. They don't. Most of this can't be taught. I'm not trying to freak you out, but there it is.
You must invent a new Tom Brazelton, let us call him Dad, and do so under the most strenuous conditions. You need to become a man worthy of emulation. You will need to do this while someone is actively peeing on you. I used to regard human waste as something to be avoided; these days, it's practically a condiment.
This is a situation where your precious movies won't save you, although I guess there are a few valid Escalator Warnings in Mallrats. There is only one film with advice of any enduring worth on the subject of parenting, and the lessons it provides are mercifully clear: the movie is Aliens. If your child is being pursued by a Hive Queen, man, seriously - you need to blow that thing out the Goddamn airlock.
Welcome to the club.
I was already scared. It got a little worse after I read that. Now I'm better. For now.
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I found this video of talking cats a couple of weeks ago. I think it's funny, but M thinks the last cat is way too creepy.
Don Piano, indeed!
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All continues to be well at school. A classmate referred to me as the star pupil a few weeks ago. I humbly shrugged it off, but it was nice to hear.
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After almost 20 years, I finally saw Superman IV. I kinda wish I had waited another 20 years. Or 200.
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I was driving to work yesterday, listening to NPR. They were talking about the proposal to attach a National ID system to driver's licenses or something, and I thought to myself, "My driver's license is up for renewal soon, on my birthday...", and then I remembered that my birthday was last week.
You think I slowed down to the speed limit right there and then? You bet I did.
So today I went to the DMV to renew my license. On the way, I realized that I had forgotten to shave this morning, so I stopped at the supermarket down the street from where I work and got some shaving cream and some cheap disposable razors. And then I parked where nobody could see that I was shaving in my car.
That was pretty much the only problem I had with renewing my license. The people at the driver's license desk were just standing around waiting for someone to visit them, and nobody said a thing about my old license being expired for over a week. And the picture came out fairly well!
So I am now once again a legally licensed driver and can drive as fast and recklessly as I want without worrying about getting busted for having an expired license. Of course, I'd still get in trouble for the whole speeding and reckless driving thing.
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This morning I talked to a friend of mine with whom I had fallen a little bit out of touch, even though he lives in the same town as me. He wanted to know if I could pick up his comics at the comic book shop while he is away. He's in the National Guard, see, and his unit is being deployed. He's pretty sure the destination is Iraq. I'm a bit bummed now. I agreed to pick up his comics for him (he and the store have a payment arrangement set up already, so I don't have to deal with that, don't you worry) on the condition that I can read any of them that strike my interest.
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I think that will do it for now! I'm sure I've forgotten a few details here and there, being as I started the outline for this about a week ago, but you get the general idea.
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